“I contain multitudes.” — Zooey L’Enfant in Surreal Estate (2022)
Sometimes I forget to not get stuck in a narrative–a single story in the past which I continue to heal. Who I am, who I am becoming, what I still have to offer to the world–these are stories-in-the-making, tales in constant flow. These are the best kind of stories–like the choose-your-own-adventure books I used to check out from my school library–the unpredictable ones.
I contain multitudes–layers of stories that were already written, chapters done and pages yet to be filled. I am reminded that I am a speck amidst the vast landscape of the Universe just like all of us–made of stars dancing along the same wire that connects everyone and everything since the beginning. Within me flows the wisdom of the ages and a soul that is one with the divine. Anything is possible. After all, I am the Universe too.
I never felt magic crazy as this I never saw moons, knew the meaning of the sea I never held emotion in the palm of my hand Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree But now you’re here Brighten my northern sky —Northern Sky (Nick Drake, 1970)
Last week, I had a date with myself at home and watched Serendipity on Netflix–my first time ever to watch it 20 years after it was released. I love it! I picked up on some of the things I liked and also wrote a piece inspired by this movie.
I wondered why I, a lover of ’90s to early 2000 rom-coms missed this gem of a rom-com. Then at the part where Jonathan gets bombarded by Sara’s name and bits that remind him of her, it hits me–this movie came to me just at the right time. Somehow, the Universe knew it wouldn’t have much of an impact on me had I watched it when I was 15. Now is just the right time because it means much more to me than any random rom-com. It restored the believer in me.
Without revealing too much, these are the bits I like in the movie:
1. ice skating 2. Cassiopeia and stars 3. Kate Beckinsale –> my kinda girl–smart, witty, beautiful (Trivia: Beckinsale studied Russian Language and Literature at Oxford University and her accent is spot-on. I started crushing on her when she took on the role of sexy + badass hybrid vampire Selene in the Underworld films, which is my favorite vampire movie franchise. Edward and Bella got nothing on Selene and Michael Corvin/Scott Speedman. 😂😂) 4. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez –> a story about an epic love that survives even decades of separation, pain, and sickness (Spoiler: The lovers end up together.) 5. Sara: Favorite sexual position? 😂😂 (Jeez. I almost choked on my Lucky Me calamansi pancit canton dinner. And I’d be tripping over myself too if someone asked me that question.) 6. Waiting in Vain by Annie Lennox 7. spotted number synchronicities: 222, 555 8. Northern Sky by Nick Drake
P.S. Dear Universe, I would love to go ice-skating again sometime. I want to glide and fly and love again, knowing that even when I slip and fall, you’ve got me. You’ve got me. Always.
Serendipity is one of my favorite words in the English language. So is kismet and bliss. I imagine kismet and bliss bubbling away in the cauldron of my belly. All that barely repressed longing escaping through my eyes–belying a slow, delicious burn from the inside.
I heard a name I hadn’t heard spoken of for a while now. Saw 1111, 222, 555, and 1221 within the space of a few hours. Heard my name whispered like a tinkling of Tibetan bells, sweet and light in the wind–a lover’s plea. Why does something like this happen when I least expect it, when all I want is to be free?
Somebody up there must be laughing with all the energetic push and pull going on, the constant turning of Fortune’s Wheel when I haven’t even lifted a finger, moments when I doubt everything. I don’t know why the Universe is stubborn and persistent nor why I am still getting signs. And whatever happens, whatever I do or do not do, serendipity always finds a funny way of pulling me back to the center. But one thing I know for sure: I released my desires to the Universe many moons ago, and I am living in my truth. There were low moments when I struggled to get back up, but there was also sweet relief at finding peace and acceptance on the other side–a sense of victory that I pulled myself through. I needed to change the lens through which I see the world–one that’s full of hope and possibilities. It feels like waking up to gaze at the early morning sunlight drenching our garden with a rosy glow. I can make of it whatever I want. I’ll find and take joy wherever and whenever I can–joy in solitude and shared joy with those I choose to spend my time with. And I won’t hold on with clenched fists. Like floating effortlessly in calm waters or gliding on ice, I’ll let serendipity flow through me and carry my weight.
*Inspired by the movie Serendipity (2001) and the song Northern Sky by Nick Drake (1970)
How many of us have attempted to soothe our anxieties, forget our frustrations, and drown our sorrows in online shopping? I thought retail therapy was my mother’s thing, even vehemently denied to M that I had impulsive shopping urges, but as it turns out, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Oh, the joys of instant gratification with internet and a mobile phone at your hands, trying to be discreet in checking out your “Add to Cart” items. Sometimes, when you’re lucky to have scored a sulit purchase, the afterglow lasts longer than expected. Salamat, Shopee indeed. 🙌
I’m not here to judge–that’s perfectly understandable under the circumstances, and I am guilty of it too. I’ve bought pretty, dainty dresses I haven’t worn outside yet because I couldn’t go out on any date with a friend. What usually happens is, we’d set a date only for unforseen forces to intervene and probably save us from hidden catastrophes. It’s frustrating at times when you yearn for a “normal day” like you used to have before, but pandemic time has taught me to be more flexible–to surrender more to the flow and not force something to happen before it’s time. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Que sera, sera. 👌
I am currently mooning over a recent purchase of a bustier empire-cut style dress–deliciously flattering for petites. The fabric is soft and cool against my skin, a metallic eggplant color that makes me glow. (If there’s one thing I am now confident in as an adult, it’s in what clothes and colors I wear well.) Dresses like this one are too exquisite to just wear at home on ordinary days. (There’s no interesting/attractive non-familial person to appreciate me in it, so what’s the point??! 😂😂) Though there are some days I do wear a pretty dress while doing work and chores just because I want to raise feel-good vibrations and please my inner goddess. My style philosophy is dressing to please myself first and not someone else–style as an extension of self-expression.
I’ve also stocked up on baking ingredients and implements I want to experiment with. During my quarantine period, I reconnected with a schoolmate who’s into vegan cooking and baking. It’s an exciting new frontier for me to explore with food. And it’s a wonder too–getting to know some people from your past and appreciating them in new, delightful ways in the present. The shelves in my book cabinet literally gave out and surrendered to the massive piles of books both read and still to read. And I’ve added more to my crystals and tarot + oracle cards collection than I did in the years pre-pandemic. I am looking forward to incorporating both as I continue to fine-tune my spiritual gifts and practice.
Of course, there are those moments I’ve experienced the pandemic version of buyer’s remorse. When it hits you, it hits you hard. But then, I’m not complaining. This time around, I’m even excited to declutter–weed out old things I’ve outgrown, things I don’t want to use and hold on to anymore to make way for the more useful, more meaningful, more joy-sparking now. Let some books, cards, and CDs I’ve enjoyed move on with someone else who will enjoy them too. And on the bright side, when someone asks me out, I won’t be saying, “I have nothing to wear.” 😉😉
A channelled writing and soul offering for 12/12 – 12/21. If you are guided to this, take what resonates. It’s the season for aligning with everything that your soul longs for, a season to close out anything that is ripe for an ending, a season to step up and allow yourself to prepare for and embrace new beginnings. Say yes to a beginning of something wonderful. 🌈💕🌻✨
“The more I’m with you The more it feels like This could be a beginning of something wonderful”
How sweet it is to have someone who thinks of you instantly when this song comes on, but I also think of it as my song for the Divine. The more I am at peace with myself at the moment, the more I anchor in my connection with the Divine. The more in tune I am with the Divine plan in Divine timing, the more open I am for blessings, beginnings, and something wonderful. The more grateful I am, the more I come into alignment and embrace my gifts and purpose.
“Your gentle means And all seems to commence A brand new pace in me Hope it’s not a blunder Especially when I uncover Dig deeper And I wonder”
Alignment is hearing and feeling the click signaling that everything is in place at the right time. The soul always yearns for alignment the same way the heart desires a beloved, or the anticipation for a lover’s caress. Alignment is the ultimate union of heart, mind, body, and soul. Every time you come close enough to kiss the Divine is a step closer towards alignment.
“When I get near you I feel something deep within me You know you bring me to new heights I’m like a big balloon Filled with hot air Ready to explode Each and every time I kiss you”
Now more than ever, we are being asked to come into alignment with what our heart and soul longs for. We are being called to rise up and embrace our personal callings as artists, healers, empaths, messengers, teachers, nurturers, conscious creatives, lightworkers, change makers, world builders. And when we do so, it’s not just for ourselves. When we are in alignment and we love what we do, our collective energies and actions contribute to a kinder, more conscious world.
Song: A Beginning of Something Wonderful (Orange and Lemons) 🍊 🍋