“I contain multitudes.” — Zooey L’Enfant in Surreal Estate (2022)
Sometimes I forget to not get stuck in a narrative–a single story in the past which I continue to heal. Who I am, who I am becoming, what I still have to offer to the world–these are stories-in-the-making, tales in constant flow. These are the best kind of stories–like the choose-your-own-adventure books I used to check out from my school library–the unpredictable ones.
I contain multitudes–layers of stories that were already written, chapters done and pages yet to be filled. I am reminded that I am a speck amidst the vast landscape of the Universe just like all of us–made of stars dancing along the same wire that connects everyone and everything since the beginning. Within me flows the wisdom of the ages and a soul that is one with the divine. Anything is possible. After all, I am the Universe too.
I never felt magic crazy as this I never saw moons, knew the meaning of the sea I never held emotion in the palm of my hand Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree But now you’re here Brighten my northern sky —Northern Sky (Nick Drake, 1970)
Last week, I had a date with myself at home and watched Serendipity on Netflix–my first time ever to watch it 20 years after it was released. I love it! I picked up on some of the things I liked and also wrote a piece inspired by this movie.
I wondered why I, a lover of ’90s to early 2000 rom-coms missed this gem of a rom-com. Then at the part where Jonathan gets bombarded by Sara’s name and bits that remind him of her, it hits me–this movie came to me just at the right time. Somehow, the Universe knew it wouldn’t have much of an impact on me had I watched it when I was 15. Now is just the right time because it means much more to me than any random rom-com. It restored the believer in me.
Without revealing too much, these are the bits I like in the movie:
1. ice skating 2. Cassiopeia and stars 3. Kate Beckinsale –> my kinda girl–smart, witty, beautiful (Trivia: Beckinsale studied Russian Language and Literature at Oxford University and her accent is spot-on. I started crushing on her when she took on the role of sexy + badass hybrid vampire Selene in the Underworld films, which is my favorite vampire movie franchise. Edward and Bella got nothing on Selene and Michael Corvin/Scott Speedman. 😂😂) 4. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez –> a story about an epic love that survives even decades of separation, pain, and sickness (Spoiler: The lovers end up together.) 5. Sara: Favorite sexual position? 😂😂 (Jeez. I almost choked on my Lucky Me calamansi pancit canton dinner. And I’d be tripping over myself too if someone asked me that question.) 6. Waiting in Vain by Annie Lennox 7. spotted number synchronicities: 222, 555 8. Northern Sky by Nick Drake
P.S. Dear Universe, I would love to go ice-skating again sometime. I want to glide and fly and love again, knowing that even when I slip and fall, you’ve got me. You’ve got me. Always.
Serendipity is one of my favorite words in the English language. So is kismet and bliss. I imagine kismet and bliss bubbling away in the cauldron of my belly. All that barely repressed longing escaping through my eyes–belying a slow, delicious burn from the inside.
I heard a name I hadn’t heard spoken of for a while now. Saw 1111, 222, 555, and 1221 within the space of a few hours. Heard my name whispered like a tinkling of Tibetan bells, sweet and light in the wind–a lover’s plea. Why does something like this happen when I least expect it, when all I want is to be free?
Somebody up there must be laughing with all the energetic push and pull going on, the constant turning of Fortune’s Wheel when I haven’t even lifted a finger, moments when I doubt everything. I don’t know why the Universe is stubborn and persistent nor why I am still getting signs. And whatever happens, whatever I do or do not do, serendipity always finds a funny way of pulling me back to the center. But one thing I know for sure: I released my desires to the Universe many moons ago, and I am living in my truth. There were low moments when I struggled to get back up, but there was also sweet relief at finding peace and acceptance on the other side–a sense of victory that I pulled myself through. I needed to change the lens through which I see the world–one that’s full of hope and possibilities. It feels like waking up to gaze at the early morning sunlight drenching our garden with a rosy glow. I can make of it whatever I want. I’ll find and take joy wherever and whenever I can–joy in solitude and shared joy with those I choose to spend my time with. And I won’t hold on with clenched fists. Like floating effortlessly in calm waters or gliding on ice, I’ll let serendipity flow through me and carry my weight.
*Inspired by the movie Serendipity (2001) and the song Northern Sky by Nick Drake (1970)
You don’t just grieve loved ones you lost through death. You grieve broken connections, people you once loved that you let go of, traumatic situations, lost dreams, the old versions of you. You have the right to grieve each and every one of them, to feel the sadness and heartache, to cry. And you have the right to allow yourself the time you need to heal from them.
A lesson the Universe teaches me constantly is that everything and everyone that happened in my life–even the most painful, difficult, and confusing ones–they were all for my growth. Whenever I choose to see it that way, I see the purpose and value the lessons I take away from every person and every experience. I honor the truth of love that I received and gave away. No matter how fleeting or how much it has moved me to tears, it is always freeing to love and have loved than not at all. Nothing and no one is a waste in the grander scheme of one’s life and journey.
You have the power to heal from any grief in your own time, at your own pace. And like that Katy Perry song, you will realize after every healing that you will not just survive. You will thrive.
Your soul already knows. The rest of you just needs to catch up.
It’s that shiver along the spine, goosebumps blooming on your arms, hairs at the back of your neck standing up. It’s knowing with a heart certainty that doesn’t need tangible proof to be true. It’s an invisible hug warming you from the inside out when you least expect it. It’s the soul bond that is never broken, never conscious of time nor space–it just is.
And when you finally embrace this deep knowing and surrender it back to the Universe, you are free to fly to greater heights, to flow with a vastness of spirit you were always meant for.
Affirmation: I trust in what my soul already knows. I listen to the nudges of recognition I receive within. 💜✨💙