The New Moon’s Clarity

There was a night like this after Cine Europa years ago,
when I went home on a taxi
and knew I was in love.
But before all that we were trying
to keep a straight face,
avoiding each other’s personal space
with a love scene playing out on the screen.
But ended up arms brushing
against each other,
locked in a starry-eyed gaze
that lasted an eternity,
an extended heartbeat,
it didn’t matter.
It happened.
And suddenly,
it was the closest we have ever been.

And if you had taken my hand in the dark,
it would’ve been different.
You knew it. I knew it.
Maybe we would’ve talked more after Kimono Ken.
But it never happened.
All you left me was a napkin with an I O U.

We didn’t talk about feelings because
we were too scared,
we were too young.
We didn’t know what we wanted.
And after,
all I could say was how cruel it was
to feel something close to love,
only for it to be snatched from you.
I spent years
searching for that spark again in others
and found something infinitely better.
I found love in me that was always there all along–
a love in flames that will never die.
Love that will continue to burn
long after all traces of me are gone.

Thank you for being the first to teach me
to be true to myself–
to not keep my love under lock and key,
to be brave to love big and open,
to do all that and not be ashamed,
no matter what happens.
I wish you the same.

5th post in the series: Music / Film + Writing Heals 💖

Image credit: Alex Iby @ Unsplash

Accompanying song: “I Thought I Saw Your Face Today” by She & Him (Volume One)

Priestess

The crickets and the clock and the humming of the fan cannot compete with the crashing waves. I appeal instead to bleeding guitars, hoping to ease my distress. I feel like dancing under a babaylan moon, going back to my ancient roots. I am Eve who took the apple and finally knew. 🍎

Evolution comes in waves

Oh.
My.
God.
The gentle strumming of your guitar
is killing me
killing me
killing me.
And I am forever lost in waves that buoy me
up and down
up and down
up and down
Until the sun peaks on the horizon
and I can finally…
catch my breath.

C. 2008

*Inspired by that phase in my life (twenties) when I was so fascinated with erotic literature and Romantic poetry. This poem is part of my first poetry series, Poems to Eros. I have 30 poems in that suite. Written intermittently through the years fresh out of college (2006-2012). A time of getting out into the world, meeting new people and being seen by someone other than your school friends. It was definitely not a boring time for me at all. 😉😉

But as I lost my grasp of those years now and learned all the lessons I needed from them, my writing also grew. There was a time I thought I would continue writing and adding to Poems to Eros until I grew into my ’40s (maybe even beyond), but what a relief it is to discover that I outgrew that already and it’s okay. That it’s okay to let go of something you once were passionately entangled with literary-wise and in life, and allow the currents to guide you to more substance and depth, even maturity and groundedness. That it’s all a part of your constant evolution and unfolding. 💗

Image credit: Brett Meliti @ Unsplash

Love Wins

When all is said and done,
Love still wins.
Love always wins.

When you trust in the Divine and let love rule your entire being,
infinite possibilities open up for you.
There is no room for fear, doubt, and negativity.
Mistakes are simply lessons learned.

Remember this: There is nothing in this world that can break you to the core.
You are the co-creator of abundance and blessings in your life.
You forge your own fate, you make your own way.
You shine with all the love and light in you, and you will soar.

Photo by: Lea Vergara Apilado (Roses from St. Thérèse, 2019) 🌹🌹

My Sacred House

MY SACRED HOUSE: A love letter to surrendering to my own unfolding, to coming back to myself. I am my own home, a sacred house. It is time I honor the light in me. And I can only do that by burning everything that isn’t good for me, everything that is holding me back. I must burn for the divine in me, and tend to my hearth every day. That is the only way to keep my light shining.

And now, paths and connections that nourish my light and make it sparkle all the more–they all find their way to me in their own sweet time. And so it is. 🔥💖✨
•~•~•~•

My body, my temple
my sacred house
I am its Vestal Virgin
tending fires, making offerings,
cleaning its nooks and crannies.
I care for its health,
for its happiness, for its safety,
to never take it for granted,
nor miss a day at its hearth.
Only the worthy enter the temple
but sometimes I forget,
the Virgin is human after all.
Fires are unlit, the hearth left cold,
cobwebs grow, dust bunnies roam,
I invite Tempest and lie with him
in my sacred house.

I saw a snail’s shell, hollow and empty,
and took it–
it broke into pieces when dropped.
I would not let my house crumble so,
like brittle pages from ancient books
too fragile to touch and read
they had to be kept under lock and key.
So I draw the curtains one by one,
open windows every day,
light humble fires whenever I can,
sweep away the dust and the cobwebs
as if my life depended on it.
Go back to the good and the worthy,
slowly but surely,
to spending time tending the hearth.

This is my body, my temple
My sacred house
And I am its Vestal Virgin.
•~•~•~•

Originally written: 12 June 2016
*My original poem featured and published in VerbalArt: A Global Journal Devoted to Poets and Poetry (2019) ~
Photo by: Lea Vergara Apilado