Set me up again with the beautiful soul who recognizes the spark of the Divine in her, the one who believes in Big Magic in every day things, the one who isn’t afraid to love, to open her arms wide to surrendering, to take a leap of faith into detours unknown, the one who makes joy her compass.
If I falter, send for your army and best guides, throw out flares and synchronicities. Draw hearts in clouds and rainbows in puddles, flash me 1111 and signs in 3s. Send me coins from heaven and feathers blown by the wind. Time birds flying in formation whenever I search the skies for hope. Show me dancing butterflies and buzzing bees when I least expect it, tell my moth friends to surprise me with a visit. Remind me again and again that you are in everyone and everywhere– I know, but some days I let fear overwhelm me, and I need your pep talks then– to lift the spirit and tap into the heart–the center of everything, that trips the haywire of inner knowing that tells me that you are with me, and I am with you, that we are One, we are connected, always. 💖
There was a night like this after Cine Europa years ago, when I went home on a taxi and knew I was in love. But before all that we were trying to keep a straight face, avoiding each other’s personal space with a love scene playing out on the screen. But ended up arms brushing against each other, locked in a starry-eyed gaze that lasted an eternity, an extended heartbeat, it didn’t matter. It happened. And suddenly, it was the closest we have ever been.
And if you had taken my hand in the dark, it would’ve been different. You knew it. I knew it. Maybe we would’ve talked more after Kimono Ken. But it never happened. All you left me was a napkin with an I O U.
We didn’t talk about feelings because we were too scared, we were too young. We didn’t know what we wanted. And after, all I could say was how cruel it was to feel something close to love, only for it to be snatched from you. I spent years searching for that spark again in others and found something infinitely better. I found love in me that was always there all along– a love in flames that will never die. Love that will continue to burn long after all traces of me are gone.
Thank you for being the first to teach me to be true to myself– to not keep my love under lock and key, to be brave to love big and open, to do all that and not be ashamed, no matter what happens. I wish you the same.
5th post in the series: Music / Film + Writing Heals 💖
The crickets and the clock and the humming of the fan cannot compete with the crashing waves. I appeal instead to bleeding guitars, hoping to ease my distress. I feel like dancing under a babaylan moon, going back to my ancient roots. I am Eve who took the apple and finally knew. 🍎
Oh. My. God. The gentle strumming of your guitar is killing me killing me killing me. And I am forever lost in waves that buoy me up and down up and down up and down Until the sun peaks on the horizon and I can finally… catch my breath.
*Inspired by that phase in my life (twenties) when I was so fascinated with erotic literature and Romantic poetry. This poem is part of my first poetry series, Poems to Eros. I have 30 poems in that suite. Written intermittently through the years fresh out of college (2006-2012). A time of getting out into the world, meeting new people and being seen by someone other than your school friends. It was definitely not a boring time for me at all. 😉😉
But as I lost my grasp of those years now and learned all the lessons I needed from them, my writing also grew. There was a time I thought I would continue writing and adding to Poems to Eros until I grew into my ’40s (maybe even beyond), but what a relief it is to discover that I outgrew that already and it’s okay. That it’s okay to let go of something you once were passionately entangled with literary-wise and in life, and allow the currents to guide you to more substance and depth, even maturity and groundedness. That it’s all a part of your constant evolution and unfolding. 💗
When all is said and done, Love still wins. Love always wins.
When you trust in the Divine and let love rule your entire being, infinite possibilities open up for you. There is no room for fear, doubt, and negativity. Mistakes are simply lessons learned.
Remember this: There is nothing in this world that can break you to the core. You are the co-creator of abundance and blessings in your life. You forge your own fate, you make your own way. You shine with all the love and light in you, and you will soar.
Photo by: Lea Vergara Apilado (Roses from St. Thérèse, 2019) 🌹🌹