Personal · Poems · Vignettes

🌈

Dearest Beloved,

Set me up again with the beautiful soul who recognizes the spark of the Divine in her,
the one who believes in Big Magic in every day things,
the one who isn’t afraid to love,
to open her arms wide to surrendering,
to take a leap of faith into detours unknown,
the one who makes joy her compass.

If I falter, send for your army and best guides, throw out flares and synchronicities.
Draw hearts in clouds and rainbows in puddles, flash me 1111 and signs in 3s.
Send me coins from heaven and feathers blown by the wind.
Time birds flying in formation whenever I search the skies for hope.
Show me dancing butterflies and buzzing bees when I least expect it,
tell my moth friends to surprise me with a visit.
Remind me again and again that you are in everyone and everywhere–
I know, but some days I let fear overwhelm me, and I need your pep talks then–
to lift the spirit and tap into the heart–the center of everything,
that trips the haywire of inner knowing
that tells me that you are with me, and I am with you,
that we are One, we are connected,
always. 💖

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Personal · Vignettes

Love fulfills the impossible

Impossible | Shout Out Louds (2007)

There was a time I would listen to Impossible by Shout Out Louds and think of him. Images would pour in like scenes from an old film. We were grasping the impossible and we both knew what it was.

Impossible, your love is something I cannot remember.

That time, I used to look at someone with rose-colored glasses until the glasses broke and I saw real-time in full HD. I don’t want to go back to wearing them again.

Let’s not fall back to sleep like we used to, do you remember?

Yesterday I heard “My Companion” and knew the voice was familiar–a new song by Shout Out Louds, 15 years after Impossible. I let the music wash over me and I fell in love again. I listened to old favorites–“Impossible”, “Illusions”, “Fall Hard”. They got The Cure vibes going on in a modern indie rock band package–that’s what drew them to me too. But I can finally say now that it’s possible to listen to the same piece of music attached to someone for many years and not feel anything for them anymore–just pure love for the song, the music, and relief it doesn’t come with old baggage. It has come back to full circle–music and love.

Stay out of love until you’re ready, stay out of it ’cause it scares you
You’ll still find your love outside the public library
I know it could happen to you

I was the ship and thought he was my anchor. We felt the pull of tidal waves and tried riding it but our hearts weren’t meant to land on the same harbor. We let it all out on metaphors like sheets left to dry out in the sun. I don’t regret any of it.

Now there’s a first time and a second time, you gotta hold on
Did you know it could happen to you?
Your love is something I cannot remember
Your love is impossible

Everything is connected and sometimes you only find meaning in hindsight. That’s how it’s meant to be. He taught me one of my greatest lessons: Choose yourself and be true.

I am grateful because it gave me the courage to be true to myself. It led me to you. And just like the waves that came before, I don’t regret riding it. I don’t regret you.

The love I’ve been looking for all these years, I found in me. And from here on out, sharing it will only be sweeter.

P.S. This post is inspired by the song “Impossible” by Shout Out Louds. Listen to and finish the song as an accompaniment to this piece.

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😇 The Angel Connection 😇

When I was 10 and 11, I was asked to be the angel in the Salubong–the Easter procession in a parish where the church statues of Jesus and Mary are carried from opposite directions until they meet in front of the church as a symbolic re-enactment of Mary meeting the resurrected Christ.

Tita Flor (active parishioner): Iha, sabihin mo sa mama mo pwede ka mag-angel sa Salubong. Bukas ng hapon, may practice. (That was after assessing me from head to toe. Little kids are best for the job, I guess. And I was tiny for a 10/11-year old.)

Sinabihan ko nanay ko, but no, ayaw niya. Delikado raw kahit may harness. Baka raw mahulog ako at mabagok ang ulo. What a tragic end. I was afraid of heights, but I really wanted to be an angel in the Salubong. Wala naman akong dialog na kelangang imemorize, at para na rin akong nakalipad kung natuloy, diba?

I also thought wearing an angel costume and participating in an annual tradition was cool. That may have been shot, but at least I got to be the sole angel in the Nativity play when I was in kindergarten. Kudos to Lola Nanay in heaven who created my beautiful costume (complete with fluffy cotton wings and a silver foil halo) from scratch.

HAPPY FEAST DAY OF THE GUARDIAN ANGELS!!! 💙😇💙

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Forgiveness and love is the key 🗝️

It’s hard to forgive someone who has hurt you and betrayed your trust when all you’ve ever given was kindness and love. I could choose to be angry for a lifetime–to be resentful, to mistrust anyone who offers me anything willingly out of their own cup of love. But to continue to be angry, sad, and resentful drains a lot of energy from me–energy I could use instead to building a life that I love in service to a higher calling every day–to joy and purpose, to receiving and sharing love that flows freely from those who are here with me already and those who show how much they want to stay.

This is my prayer and offering:

I forgive you.

I accepted you in love and I release you with love. 🌹

I accept and honor the love I have shared with you–a love that has nourished me, expanded my happiness, and allowed me to grow until I couldn’t anymore. Thank you for being what I needed for the time I needed it. Now, I release you with love and gratitude so I can open myself up to new nourishment that I need to continue to grow and expand, to fortify my roots. I release you so you too can continue to grow and flow the way you are guided to.

This is my offering for today.
I forgive you.
I release my love with you.
Thank you.
I hope you can forgive yourself too.
And so it is.

Image credit: @dreamy_moons 🌕
Personal · Vignettes

Journey to the center of You 🌹

What am I grateful for in my soul journey?


Just a few days (and weeks) ago, I could not answer this question. I was immersed in my personal battles and wounds. It was a scary place I found myself in because I lost interest even in the little things that brought me joy like baking and following my creativity. I felt no pleasure in cooking and eating–it was reduced to a chore, a robotic function. I was also a walking storm raring for destruction because I was hurting inside and could not let it go. There was a lot I needed to declutter both physically and metaphorically.

Recently, I started opening my heart again to the truth that I am always being reminded through connections with other kindred spirits, through an outpouring of signs and messages from the Divine, through the love I receive every day, that I chose my soul journey and I am choosing to stay. Even through the difficult times when I am tempted to give up and unravel the work I’ve already done, when I don’t know what to do next, I choose to be here now no matter what now is. I commit to myself–my pain and healing, shadows and light, grief and joy, lessons and blessings. All these essential and complementing ingredients mix together and bake into a delectable Lea cookie. Or cake. Lol. 😂😂

I choose to show up bold and vibrant, with a sassy spirit and a full heart as much as I can. I am grateful for the turning-point moments when I see the light in the darkness and I find the strength to grasp on to it, to amplify and reflect it. I am also reminded of what the fierce spirit/artist & musician Nightbirde (Jane Marczewski), said on her memorable AGT audition:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

Simple but true. That’s what a soul and life journey is all about–you embrace everything you have gone and are going through, even the most challenging, heartbreaking ones–and do your best to make something good out of it every day. 🌻

P.S. While it’s a huge help having a trusted person around who supports and loves you unconditionally, I discovered that the best boost for soul growth is YOU. Learning to be a nurturing mother, cheerleader, and best friend to yourself especially when you didn’t have those kinds of loving relationships growing up opens many doors to healing and growth. You’ll find more love and grounding support than you ever did before because it flows from within. 💗

Image credit: iCreateDaily.com