Working with shadows to find the light

There was a time when I was a lost follower to the point that I got comfortable drowning in a sea of expectations and voices other than my own. Those expectations, wants, and desires were like separate pieces of Play-Doh figures I mashed up all together into a single round of marbled clay–I couldn’t point out anymore which bits came from me, from parents, from friends and peers, from society. I wanted to do things that impress and be someone accepted and welcomed by everyone.

Finding myself again and reclaiming my wholeness meant unfollowing some and withdrawing from participating, and I would do it all over again even if it means I won’t be looked at and treated the same way again, even if it means some spaces will be awkward and unwelcoming indefinitely. Being true to myself also means honoring the need to remove myself from spaces where I don’t feel respected and safe. Boundaries work to shield you from taking in more of anything that’s harmful to your health. Setting boundaries is a necessary act of love. I don’t need to try to immerse myself in an environment where fitting in means stifling my light and packing my fairy wings away in a dustbag. I don’t need to stay amongst those who don’t honor my authenticity. I am treading paths not everyone would dare stray into, exploring detours meant only for me even if I wanted a bit of company. I do not expect everyone around me to understand, to exchange the same courtesy of respect I hold for them despite the differences. Some people fear what it is they don’t understand, anything that doesn’t fit into their scope of rationality. And if they don’t consciously make the effort to go beyond the walls of fear, how would they know to treat the unknown with kindness and compassion? It’s not my job to make people understand. But it is my responsibility to continue to honor my authenticity, to be intimate with my shadows to understand how I can continue to cultivate my light. To explore my own answers to questions and sometimes, to let the questions unravel on their own.✨

Ultimately, it is also my responsibility to love myself unconditionally, radically, through my journey with all of its detours and discoveries, triumphs and challenges. 💖

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